As a practising counsellor, I am slowly inclined to believe that seeing a counsellor or a psychologist can be a better option than relying on planetary positions before marriage.
Though this will be walking a thin line between expectations and joy a nuptial knot is supposed to breed, both for the counselled and the counsellors, but it might be beneficial in some ways.
While nothing is foolproof in life and situations, people are prone to changes too, what a counsellor can do is give a broad view on what a healthy relationship might look like. Again what all are right in a marriage can fall in a broad spectrum and it is good for the couple to navigate through life to find their own rhythm and what works best for them.
When should a couple, decide to see a counsellor?
These days usually couples before marriage spend time with each other a lot more than was the norm in the past. So they have the opportunity to be awake and alive to each other’s ways, beliefs, value systems, habits and behaviour. Not that all of these feature in the pre-wedding periods as factors to consider later on. But it is seen often they pose to be threats to a healthy relationship.
Though the word “healthy” can have a big purview and it would be wrong to mark something as unhealthy if it doesn’t suit one’s liking; there are certain things that can be called unhealthy for a relationship without mincing words. For instance, domestic violence. Violence in a relationship is unacceptable. So if a couple has seen signs of those before, they can consider that a red flag, that is best to be addressed before.
Would the counsellor advice to cancel a marriage if he or she thinks that the couple is not the best match?
While the counsellor is equipped with the knowledge of the working of human minds, he or she is not a fortune-teller to know if marriages would work. For who doesn’t know marriages have capabilities to fight many odds and thrive. So to profess or advise on the decision should be wrong ideally. At best the couple can be shown pointers to work through their differences if there are any.
Both parties have to keep in mind that at no cost should the joy and spontaneity be robbed off from a relationship. Also that the key factors that make marriages work are mutual affection and respect besides sex.
Referring to the moral science lessons learnt in the early years of school, of being truthful, loyal, understanding, caring works well to sustain any relationship, I have learnt.
But in our complex modern times, with rising rates of break-ups and its adhering complications, a little sharing of knowledge on the workings of human mind might be helpful.
Ignorance is not always bliss.
This article was first posted on DifferentTruths.com on March 23rd 2021
https://www.differenttruths.com/relationship-lifestyle/to-see-or-not-to-see-a-counsellor-before-marriage/
